alma heights bible: a review
Abby Shapiro has just motivated me to do this by posting a similar note regarding the religious teaching at SI. Here's a review of my four years of Bible class at Alma Heights.
Freshman Year - Hours of copious note taking (but still not enough to get an "A", because SOME PEOPLE *cough cough*Rachelle*cough cough* are ridiculously insane note takers who ruin it for the rest of us) during Mrs. Fernbach's lectures on the Pentateuch, as well as Bruce Wilkinson (yes, the guy who published the borderline-heretical "Prayer of Jabez") video tapes for every book of the Bible we studied. Also, chapel notes counted for extra credit! What did we learn? Take good notes or you fail, even if they don't really help you, and never, ever spend a year on the Pentateuch.
Sophomore Year - Jesus videos of every size, shape, and color (actually scratch that, Jesus was pretty much always "white"). Random skipping around in the New Testament, the NIV STUDY BIBLE that some people STILL didn't have by year's end, no tests or homework (except reading) of any sort, other than journal entries that everyone pretty much did either in class or before class started. What did we learn? I honestly can't remember.
Junior Year - Cheesy, uppity quotes and illustrations, 10 minute "quiet" time, too many worksheets to keep track of, mandatory chapel notes, TMI (that's TOO MUCH INFORMATION) about Satan and everything having to do with Satan, including his life span, personality profile, minions, his strategy of attack (often recorded in play-by-play action), his favorite kind of steak and where to get it, his sleeping habits (as well as what our sleeping habits SHOULD be), his love life, and his horoscope. What did we learn? Did you know that the word LORD comes from the Latin word for "LOAF KEEPER"?? Isn't that cool??
Senior Year - Hebrew, and our inability to even remotely come close to the standard set by last year's intellectual prodigy of a class, and Mr. Boyd's failed attempts to make us laugh with humorous commentary that soars miles above our heads. What we've learned? Psalm 121 in Hebrew, lots of stuff about Egypt, and Mr. Boyd's endless amount of stories, and stories within stories.
Seniors, anything I'm forgetting about that I can add on? Let me know in the comments!
Freshman Year - Hours of copious note taking (but still not enough to get an "A", because SOME PEOPLE *cough cough*Rachelle*cough cough* are ridiculously insane note takers who ruin it for the rest of us) during Mrs. Fernbach's lectures on the Pentateuch, as well as Bruce Wilkinson (yes, the guy who published the borderline-heretical "Prayer of Jabez") video tapes for every book of the Bible we studied. Also, chapel notes counted for extra credit! What did we learn? Take good notes or you fail, even if they don't really help you, and never, ever spend a year on the Pentateuch.
Sophomore Year - Jesus videos of every size, shape, and color (actually scratch that, Jesus was pretty much always "white"). Random skipping around in the New Testament, the NIV STUDY BIBLE that some people STILL didn't have by year's end, no tests or homework (except reading) of any sort, other than journal entries that everyone pretty much did either in class or before class started. What did we learn? I honestly can't remember.
Junior Year - Cheesy, uppity quotes and illustrations, 10 minute "quiet" time, too many worksheets to keep track of, mandatory chapel notes, TMI (that's TOO MUCH INFORMATION) about Satan and everything having to do with Satan, including his life span, personality profile, minions, his strategy of attack (often recorded in play-by-play action), his favorite kind of steak and where to get it, his sleeping habits (as well as what our sleeping habits SHOULD be), his love life, and his horoscope. What did we learn? Did you know that the word LORD comes from the Latin word for "LOAF KEEPER"?? Isn't that cool??
Senior Year - Hebrew, and our inability to even remotely come close to the standard set by last year's intellectual prodigy of a class, and Mr. Boyd's failed attempts to make us laugh with humorous commentary that soars miles above our heads. What we've learned? Psalm 121 in Hebrew, lots of stuff about Egypt, and Mr. Boyd's endless amount of stories, and stories within stories.
Seniors, anything I'm forgetting about that I can add on? Let me know in the comments!
posted by John Mark at 11:26 PM
1 Comments:
I laughed SO hard.
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