welcome to the so-so

I just couldn't resist.

ok, Clarence is really dead now.

It froze up midway through the recovery process. Goodbye Clarence.

Clarence lives?

Unable to cope with the loss of my beloved Clarence, I continued in my seemingly futile efforts to revive him, and managed to start the factory settings recovery process.

If it doesn't freeze, I may be able to use it again. Of course, my documents and all those hours of toil and labor will be gone, but hopefully it will be operational again soon.

rest in peace, Clarence.

My IBM ThinkPad T40, Clarence, was declared dead at 5:00 pm, January 27, 2007.

This morning we had a student council meeting, and I was typing out the amendments we were adding to the constitution on my laptop. Suddenly, after two long hours of deliberating and typing, the laptop completely froze, and I was faced with no choice but to rely on Microsoft's extremely unpredictable AutoRecovery to salvage my unsaved document as I shut it off perforce, after waiting for an extended period of time.

It was never the same after that. I would start it up, and it would freeze in the middle of booting up. Most of the time, it wouldn't even start booting up. Finally, I managed to get it started with Safe mode. The document had been recovered, so I saved it to the hard drive immediately. Then, restarting, I was able to reboot with the last workable settings. Miraculously, it started up normally and I was able to function for a while. I emailed the document to everyone and uploaded it to the web (now I wish I had done so with all my other documents, as I will probably never see them again).

I can't get it to start up, and when it shows signs of life, it freezes before I can run any diagnostics or start in safe mode again. After removing the battery, replacing it, running on sole battery power, running on sole outlet power, and holding down various keys at startup, I have gotten no responses, and have therefore declared it dead. It was nice to have while it lasted, but after four long years, I think its time finally came. It's really a shame too, because I JUST bought a $50 replacement battery for it.

So...anyone know where I can get a cheap used laptop (preferably a mac) that will last until next summer?

stephen colbert and the iphone

concurring with Rachel's well-articulated insight

Rachel Grussi responded to my post on Xanga with an insightful comment, which is the subject of my post below. If you would like to read it, visit http://www.xanga.com/Sense_say/562373348/the-masters-commission.html

Thanks so much for you input, Rachel. This is actually one of the only comments that had some counterpoints to my post that I actually liked. So congratulations.

God can use anything, you're right. And I've used the "tool" analogy before regarding that idea. It is true that worship styles can differ greatly, but my blog post was mainly aimed at the actual content. I totally agree with you that the shouts from the crowd were quite distracting and unnecessary.

It's sad for me, personally, because I have many friends at school who are not saved. These speakers and groups who come in weekly tend to increase their hostility toward Christianity all the more. In fact, the people who support those people coming and are affected by them are almost always professed Christians! That speaks volumes to me on the overall failure of our school to make the gospel of Christianity understandable to believers and nonbelievers alike.

Part of the problem, I think, is a misunderstanding of what I mean when I say "gospel". Everyone knows the story of Jesus, that he died on the cross for our sins, that he rose again, and that he will readily forgive us for our wrongs. And that's perfectly true, and it's wonderful, and it's essential to our teaching. But there's much more to the gospel than just that. The gospel is a radical, life-altering truth that forever affects those who accept it.

However, speakers who speak of this life-altering truth express it only in terms of how WE are somehow supposed to alter our lives. The fact is, we don't become godly people the moment we become Christians, and should not be expected to do so. Often, it takes years before old habits are broken and past sins are thrown away. In fact, for some people, certain sins continue to haunt and affect them for the rest of our lives. OF COURSE we're losing our passion! OF COURSE we're not living our life like we should! We're human beings!! The pursuit of holiness is impossible for us; but God, being the embodiment of Holiness, is the one who works in us to gradually transform us into his likeness. It's not simply a matter of scolding ourselves for doing wrong. It's acknowledging that we are always going to do wrong, and that everyone, from the preacher to the prostitute, is equally and desperately in need of God's grace at all times.

The way the gospel is presented at our school right now, it feels like clicking on one of those web ads that says I'll get a free iPod, only to be faced with pages and pages of surveys and agreements. We are told "All you have to do is ask for forgiveness and you're a Christian", but then we are told "You have to devote absolutely everything and live a holy life, or you're not a Christian." Is it any wonder that people are not grasping the concept?

No matter how hard we try, we can never motivate ourselves enough to live the lives God wants us to. And that's the whole reason Jesus came in the first place. Because he KNEW that we can't. Our only motivation is the gospel of grace, which fills us with a DESIRE to do what pleases God. Sure, we'll mess up, and continue to do so all our lives. But somehow, the Holy Spirit will work in us to make us more and more like Christ. It's a profound mystery, one that defies any kind of step-by-step formula. But it happens, and we must have faith that somehow, God will never leave us or let us wither away; rather, he does the impossible, and uses inadequate "jars of clay" to spread his love, his hope, and his grace. Our school has strayed from this teaching, and it shows. It has been showing for a long, long time.

the master's commission

Yesterday, a group of well-meaning teenagers and youth leaders came and stirred up quite a bit of emotion. I felt like I was watching the Jesus Camp trailer, and it really scared me.

I've posted about this before, so I'll skip straight to the point. Yesterday's collage of emotional, fire-and-brimstone, guilt-driven manipulation was, without a doubt, one of the most empty experiences of my life. There was no solid Truth in the performance yesterday. None whatsoever.

Of course, there are those who will say that "it could have affected someone in a very positive way". But I'm afraid the only effect that can be produced from it is a shallow, empty view of what Christianity means. Christians are not simply people who won't go to Hell when they die. It's so much more complex and whole than that, and it's very harmful when we fail to communicate it.

The Truth has not been spoken, and the consequences of that are what we see at Alma Heights. People have to THINK. We do not provide a clear basis for belief; rather, we dim the lights, play sappy ballads, and scare people into belief. THAT, my friends, is directly from the pit of hell, and I grow weary of seeing it at our school. We have got to stop hiring Jesus-squads and start treating people like adults. We have got to stop manipulating people's emotions by subjecting them to PDF's and altar calls. We have got to give people reasons to believe, solid reasons, truthful reasons, intellectual reasons. If we do not change this, we are raising up soldiers and sending them into the battle with no armor.

We don't need people telling us how ungrateful we are that we go to a Christian school. We don't need people telling us how we aren't trying hard enough. We don't need people telling us how much we'll regret going to Hell when we die. We need the gospel of grace, and we need it desperately. Until that happens, Alma Heights will continue in it's apathy and hypocrisy, and there will be no end.

Please pray for me, and for our school, as we are in desperate need of it.