some passing thoughts

It seems that God has been teaching me things through the most unlikely mediums imaginable.

Just when I start to think I'm getting pretty wise, that I'm on good terms with all my friends, and that I've done a pretty good job of things, the cover is stripped back, and I am fully exposed, without any pride left to keep me in high spirits. In this condition, all the fancy phrases and words I can conjure fall to ruin, and I am left with nothing but God's mercy to cling to.

I learned something new about myself. Apparently, I'm so obsessed with being accepted, I'm willing to put the trust of other people at risk by faking my identity, and by pretending to be a person I'm really not. I'm a PK, and I have been exposed to little in the outside world. This isn't really my parent's fault, or the fault of the school I go to, or anyone else's. It's simply part of who I am. I'll always be uncomfortable with certain subjects, around certain types of people, and in certain contexts. That's something I'm going to have to deal with--finding a way to cope with the reality that discomfort is a prerequisite for anyone who believes what I do.

I'm a fixer. I find problems, and then I relentlessly try to fix them. This is often to the point of obsession, which has destroyed many of my relationships, as well as my credibility with many people. It has also torn me apart on many occasions, because my attachment to a certain issue becomes unhealthy and ultimately proves to be my weakness.

I'm great at explaining how only looking to God for grace and validation is the only way to live as a Christian. But I can't really remember the last time I actually totally depended on God for something. I'm not quite sure I understand how this whole growth process works. I say that there isn't a formula to Christian growth, yet it seems like my time is consumed with trying to find it. But I'm never going to be satisfied if I think I can somehow fix everything. I'm frustrated, because I'm not quite sure why I have this desire, if ultimately there's nothing I can fix. Maybe it was meant to emphasize the fact that I'm inadequate, and the God is really the only person who can make sense of things. If I could fix things, heck, I'd probably think that I don't need him.

As I spend time with my friends and encounter different experiences, I learn new things about myself. Daily, God is giving me wisdom in certain areas, without failing to pull back the curtains on some particularly nasty areas of my personality. But with every revelation comes grace, and with grace comes growth, which I am truly depending upon God for. The Author and Finisher of my faith must, indeed, live up to his name if I'm going to be whatever he wants me to be. But I'm confident that he hasn't given up on me, and that he will, indeed, bring to completion the good work that he has started in me.

Please pray for me, as well as all those who are struggling with their spiritual growth, and who are just as lost, confused, and reliant on God's grace as I am. Also pray for those who I have successfully wronged in the process, that their wounds would be healed, and that I might learn from my mistakes and prevent them from happening again.

don't just take my word for it!

Hey, turns out I'm not crazy after all! Here's what other students, from Alma Heights and from other private Christian schools, have been saying:

Blogger:
Dude just one more year for you, I have two, quit your complaining...lol
Alma Heights sucks, we all know! You hit it right on the dot, that it is mainly the teachers fault for everyone being the way they are and act. I'm positive that a majority of the students would enjoy going to this school more if it wasn't for the teachers making dumb rules and changing everything with no ones consent.

Banquet on the other hand....LOL what a waste of time and money is going into that whole production. Maybe you'll get 5 more people to your banquet than we did to ours, which would make the grand total to ...tabulating .... 5!

Ahhh I love making fun of our school.
[-Nick Knight]

Facebook:
thank you for recognizing our hard work.
the apathy, on the students' part is so discouraging, everyday hear complaints about everything...but few people actually stand up and do anything about it or even back up the statements they make in their whining, which is why i always appreciate your opinion on these things...

i totally agree with what you said, it happens in our senior meetings too, it's over stupid things like senior sweatshirts...we want a certain design on our sweatshirt but the faculty member who has the power to approve or deny our design wanted changes made, not because it was inappropriate but because that person didn't like the composition...("this little part is a little distracting)...it's infuriating. and this is one reason i'm glad to be graduating. i have had some amazing teachers these past four years and i'm so grateful for them but this year has been ridiculous...between unproductive spanish classes and stressful banquet meetings...it's just too much.
[-Janice Li]

Wow, it seems as though you could be talking about LCS! The control by the adminstration and faculty is ridiculous here, too. Being senior class president and on student council, we have suggested numerous ways to improve the school and events, but all recommendations are immediately shot down, with no consideration. It's certainly frustrating because it seems like they don't trust the students. And, I'm with you on the dancing issue as well :) Hope you're doing well and good luck trying to change all of these things!
[-Kate Bean, from Lakeland, Florida]

Myspace:
This sound way too much like the stuff at my school. Seriously. It's almost the same. Our "prom" is a banquet with minimal entertainment and where the "six-inch rule" is enforced. One good thing is that parents have taken it into their own hands to plan dances after the banquets for the kids to enjoy.

Keep up the great blogs, John Mark!
[-Joe Nederveld, Lakeland, Florida]

Xanga (my personal favorite):
Wow. For once (usually I have one or two objections, but not this time), I completely, utterly, and totally agree with every word you just wrote. You've just about summed up every student at Alma Height's frustrations, rages, anger, and scorn for the hypocrisy that goes on at good ol' AHCA. Unlike you, though, I'm a lot more vehement and angry, as an "underclassman". I could really learn to hate that word.

Before this year, I didn't have any idea what that really meant, but now it's arrived like some kind of nasty term of derision. Last year was one of the best schoolyears of my little life. I felt really connected to all of the classes and the school seemed great. But now, it's been stripped away. We've been herded away like little inferior sheep from the rest of the flock, from electives to the play to banquet. Only a handful, and mostly the sports teams, really have much interaction with the upperclassmen AT ALL. Those of us who can't join sports teams or be on student council are cut off. To the underclassmen that I've spoken to, we've just about had it. Banquet was going to be the one redeeming point (if we could find a compassionate and kind upperclassman to take us, the stinky little runts, as dates), but now we're not even allowed to go? And for what purpose? Why is it so harmful if a handful of little inferior sheep make it into the banquet? Do they think we're going to be rowdy, immature, and careless? What is their problem with us this year? A night at Elephant Bar and watching a BALLET cannot appease us. I went, and I had a decent time, but it just wasn't the same. Not in the least. It was me, three of my friends, and the freshmen, who are blissfully ignorant the degrading situation we underclassmen are in.

We have next to no voice. Our reps have tried hard to put in words for us with the faculty, only to have their words fall on deaf ears, even when their arguments have no error in them. More often that not, the teachers refuse to listen to reason. I could name the two that make my blood boil in particular, but I'll refrain for the safety of my own life. :P

It's beyond frustrating to be an "underclassman" this year. My only happiness about this schoolyear is that it's just about over.

~*a sickened underclassman [Rachel Grussi]


Well there you go! I haven't lost my mind. Mature, upright, law-abiding students are expressing the same concerns. Isn't that interesting?

manifesto

This whole year, apathy has possessed the student body at Alma Heights, like a virus. The hardworking, dedicated student council has turned into an ineffective conglomerate of useless peons.

It's been a problem since the beginning. The faculty has told us repeatedly that we must keep our spirits up, and we must motivate and rally our fellow peers. It's a theme that has pervaded every event, every student council meeting, and every chapel message this year. I remember with fondness the few times that a speaker failed to instruct us on how we needed to become "serious" in our relationship with God, or to "release the inner fire", or to "give your WHOLE life to God", or something equally ambiguous that can lead to false conclusions. What is the root of the problem? The faculty.

Yes, the faculty. I'll start with banquet. Our banquet this year was ruined by the faculty. I support the event, because the committee has put long hours into planning and figuring out details and trying to work with the tyrants that dominate their every decision. I want people to go, because it is not fair to all the hardworking students who have put so much effort into the event if a small population shows up (which, I'm afraid, is likely to be the case).

So here's our banquet, in short:
1. Junior/Senior splitoff - unless circumstances have changed without my knowledge, Juniors and Seniors are not even allowed to invite underclassmen as dates. This has decreased the potential population by half. The approximate attendance number this year is 40--and this tally was taken before people began to find out it would be held in the gym. The sophomores and freshmen were forced to have their formal event at the Elephant Bar this year, which is the equivalent of going to Chili's with gowns and tuxedos for a "fancy dining experience." Most of the sophomores refused to go, and instead planned an anti-formal party, of which I know nothing.

2. Gym - because there is such a small attendance, we cannot afford to rent a nice place for our event. Theoretically, we could, but attendees would have to pay a ridiculous price to compensate (over 100 dollars per person, most likely). There is no way we could have held this event somewhere else without the cost per person inflating to a ridiculous amount. Can we really expect to get away with this next year?

Why must we split up the classes? The answer is simple. It's NOT because we, the students, wanted it that way. On the contrary, the entire banquet committee has desperately pleaded for things to return to normal. But the faculty was obstinate and resistant. Last year, the faculty was unable to monitor every couple, and therefore decided to lessen the problem by splitting us up.

Why is the faculty so sensitive about our sexuality? I really have no idea. They might care about us, and they might not want us to make mistakes, but at the end of the day, it's none of their business. The teachers are paid, not to monitor our heterosexual relationships, but to teach us and fill us with the academic knowledge we need to survive in today's intellectual society, perhaps, in this case, with a Christian slant. But our parents are the ones responsible for our personal lives. The faculty at Alma Heights needs to realize their responsibility, and to stop crossing the limits of their authority.

Countless times this year--countless times--the student council has come up with ideas to brighten the school atmosphere, to make an event more exciting, or to simply change things up a bit. But the faculty will have their way, and most often they are extremely, if not totally, inflexible. The teachers are making all the decisions for us, which leaves us with nothing but grunt work. We have meetings, we come up with ideas every now and then, but ultimately what the teachers want will rule the day, and we are simply their specialized police force.

It is maddening and utterly ridiculous that our faculty persists in its prohibition of dancing at Banquet. Their argument against rhythmic movement holds absolutely no water, because they are basing it on speculation, fear, and prejudice. There is no logical reason why we should not be allowed to dance. Dancing is fun, dancing is not, by definition, sexual, and dancing is not only mentioned but encouraged and described in the Bible itself. And yes, this includes TEENAGERS. The Bible didn't say "Dance and praise the Lord--as long as you're married, are faithful, don't have a problem with sexual thoughts, and stay 2 inches away from all females." Dance is a form of worship, and it's also a form of enjoyment and harmless entertainment. Adults may see teens dancing at public schools and interpret their motions as sexually-charged barbarism. But as a teenager, and as one who has danced at formal and nonformal events, I can say with absolute confidence that we pursue no such thing. We want to dance because dancing is fun. We don't want to dance so that we can "get it on" and see how many vulgar displays of sexuality we can express.

Dancing among teenagers and unmarried couples is NOT a sin, nor is it an open gateway to sin. The fear that dancing will somehow trigger sexual intercourse is pretentious and deceitful. Any contact with the opposite sex will trigger sexual responses in some way, shape, or form. Dancing is NOT an enhancement of any kind, and the fact that the teachers use this argument against us is a blatant display of their ignorance toward us. As Christians, we cannot argue on the basis of what might be, or of what has not yet come to pass, because the reality is that we simply don't know. We do know, however, that God has enabled us to enjoy activities (like dancing) in order to enjoy them, and to further increase our delight in the blessings he has given us. Certainly, some activities are only appropriate during specific circumstances (sexual intercourse, for example, is to be reserved for the sacrament of marriage). But dancing does not fall into that category.

Now, my main purpose here is not to criticize the teachers for their lack of competence or ability to see clearly. Rather, I want to let them know the frustration that many of us are feeling. If they want us to care about anything, they have to give us something to care about. We will continue in our apathy as long as we are forced to wear the mask of complacency. We're teenagers! We're stupid, we do stupid things, and we stupidly have fun doing them. The more the teachers try to suppress this inner-stupidity, the more likely students will simply gratify themselves in unhealthy ways outside of the clutches of school authority. And this isn't just my own philosophical rambling--this is what actually happens. In light of this, what could be more beneficial than to encourage dancing and enjoyment? Why can't we show people that we can have normal social activities and glorify our God in the process?

Everyone hates going to school. It's a universal principle. But Alma Heights is hated not just because the subjects are dull, or because the homework isn't fun, but because the teachers try to do more than just teach. It comes from a genuine concern and passion for the spirituality of students that I can understand and appreciate. But doing more than what they are paid to do is far more destructive than protective. This is my cry; my Manifesto; my plea; that the teachers would be teachers, and that the students would be allowed to be students. I mean no disrespect to the teachers at our school, as they work tirelessly for our well-being, and try very hard to make wise, beneficial decisions. The teachers at our school need prayer, insight, and understanding as to what is going on in their student body. I can only hope that my sprawled rambling will somehow make a difference.

free will song

Oh man.



The poster was not joking around with this one, but some people took it as such:P Some of my favorite comments on this video:

"Wow, that was hillarious! Thanks for posting that, I'm going to show all of my friends for a good laugh."

"The theology in this song is so bad that it is beyond words."

"Man has free will, but God does not. Man gets what he wants, but God does not. God will not thwart the will of man, but man thwarts the will of God. When I first saw this, I thought it was a joke, but I guess not!"

"Perhaps we should be grateful for someone who can confidently give us 'God's own perspective.' I hear that is hard to come by."

"'Joy Quartet', collectively walk into a deep mineshaft. Please."

"holds everything in his hands? everything but... us? oh, i get it now. ha!"

"The opening part is so flat, it demonstrates that he used his free will not to learn how to carry a pitch."

"HAHA!!! RFLMAO!!! HILARIOUS~ please make more like these!"


That pretty much sums it up for me!