winding down
Well, I'm sorry for springing that on you guys so suddenly. Sunday was a hard day for me. I was very distracted and irritable that day. I think two things are to blame:
1. FINALS - Ok, well everyone likes to blame that, but I think the constant studying was getting to me. My energy was being suppressed more than it usually is.
2. Coca-Cola 'Blak' - I decided to try one of these caffeinated, sugar-loaded bottles of pure anti-health. It's basically Coke with coffee flavoring added to it. I think the combination of the powers of coffee caffeine and Coke caffeine were what made me so jumpy. I was literally walking up and down the stairs and in circles at one point, my restlessness was overwhelming.
I guess those two things were what made me so irritable. But there had been recent recurring problems with my brother that added to it, and it all sort of came together into one big explosion. I needed an outlet, and I guess I used my blog for it. I felt better after I published it all, though. Plus I got some good advice and encouragement from friends. Thank you for your prayers. I'm going to be OK.
God's trying to teach me something through this, but I wish I could just find out what. Maybe it's a test of my patience, or to prepare me for interaction with other people in my life who will be equally frustrating.
I really do love my brother, but at this point trying to help him will only screw things up. Perhaps I really do need to just leave him be. It looks like he'll be the same stupid little brat for a while. Please continue to pray for both of us, that he would grow up and mature in this area, and that I would learn to be a better brother to him.
I'm not innocent of disrespecting my parents, either. I often talk back to them or grumble when asked to help with something. My dad and I had a discussion about this problem a long time ago, and he gave me some good words of advice. He compared our situation to that of the older brother in the parable of the lost son. God loves and cares for Lucas in the same way he cares for me. The older brother in the parable represented those who do not understand the concept of grace. He was reliant on his own behavior and loyalty, which may have been superficially more than what his younger brother had to offer, but the miracle of the gospel is that grace comes to those who are least deserving of it. God gives grace to the sinners, rebels, prostitutes, and failures of this world. Because of the grace of God, something so counter-human as "loving my enemies" or "turning the other cheek" is made possible.
In the words of the great author Flannery O'Connor, "the way to avoid Jesus is to avoid sin." Unless we come to terms with our own inadequateness, we can never fully come to realize the penetrating truth of the gospel. The truth is that we cannot do it ourselves, that we are weak, corrupted people, and we are always in need of God's grace, every moment of every day. This is a truth that I must always remember as I deal with every "Lucas" that comes into my life.
O'Connor's quote can also be interpreted in another way. We cannot get so wrapped up in focusing on what we do that we forget what Jesus has already done. We must, of course, strive to grow in Godliness and become more like Christ throughout our whole lives, as Christians. But we are under grace, and we must never forget this or else we will develop an overly-pious attitude that gives others the feeling that they are inferior or undeserving. Even Jesus, who WAS perfect in every way, lowered himself to the level of the "wretches" around him. Therefore when we avoid sin, we avoid Jesus. One of my youth leaders once said that as Christians, we should not focus so much on "What Would Jesus Do?", but rather constantly remember "What Has Jesus Already Done?" Because really, when you look at it and see what Jesus has already done and sincerely believe it in your heart of hearts as your only hope, you are (as the Bible says) filled with the Spirit, whose fruits mature and develop overtime.
Again, thank you for your prayers; I still need them. May God grant us all strength and wisdom when difficult circumstances occur in life.
1. FINALS - Ok, well everyone likes to blame that, but I think the constant studying was getting to me. My energy was being suppressed more than it usually is.
2. Coca-Cola 'Blak' - I decided to try one of these caffeinated, sugar-loaded bottles of pure anti-health. It's basically Coke with coffee flavoring added to it. I think the combination of the powers of coffee caffeine and Coke caffeine were what made me so jumpy. I was literally walking up and down the stairs and in circles at one point, my restlessness was overwhelming.
I guess those two things were what made me so irritable. But there had been recent recurring problems with my brother that added to it, and it all sort of came together into one big explosion. I needed an outlet, and I guess I used my blog for it. I felt better after I published it all, though. Plus I got some good advice and encouragement from friends. Thank you for your prayers. I'm going to be OK.
God's trying to teach me something through this, but I wish I could just find out what. Maybe it's a test of my patience, or to prepare me for interaction with other people in my life who will be equally frustrating.
I really do love my brother, but at this point trying to help him will only screw things up. Perhaps I really do need to just leave him be. It looks like he'll be the same stupid little brat for a while. Please continue to pray for both of us, that he would grow up and mature in this area, and that I would learn to be a better brother to him.
I'm not innocent of disrespecting my parents, either. I often talk back to them or grumble when asked to help with something. My dad and I had a discussion about this problem a long time ago, and he gave me some good words of advice. He compared our situation to that of the older brother in the parable of the lost son. God loves and cares for Lucas in the same way he cares for me. The older brother in the parable represented those who do not understand the concept of grace. He was reliant on his own behavior and loyalty, which may have been superficially more than what his younger brother had to offer, but the miracle of the gospel is that grace comes to those who are least deserving of it. God gives grace to the sinners, rebels, prostitutes, and failures of this world. Because of the grace of God, something so counter-human as "loving my enemies" or "turning the other cheek" is made possible.
In the words of the great author Flannery O'Connor, "the way to avoid Jesus is to avoid sin." Unless we come to terms with our own inadequateness, we can never fully come to realize the penetrating truth of the gospel. The truth is that we cannot do it ourselves, that we are weak, corrupted people, and we are always in need of God's grace, every moment of every day. This is a truth that I must always remember as I deal with every "Lucas" that comes into my life.
O'Connor's quote can also be interpreted in another way. We cannot get so wrapped up in focusing on what we do that we forget what Jesus has already done. We must, of course, strive to grow in Godliness and become more like Christ throughout our whole lives, as Christians. But we are under grace, and we must never forget this or else we will develop an overly-pious attitude that gives others the feeling that they are inferior or undeserving. Even Jesus, who WAS perfect in every way, lowered himself to the level of the "wretches" around him. Therefore when we avoid sin, we avoid Jesus. One of my youth leaders once said that as Christians, we should not focus so much on "What Would Jesus Do?", but rather constantly remember "What Has Jesus Already Done?" Because really, when you look at it and see what Jesus has already done and sincerely believe it in your heart of hearts as your only hope, you are (as the Bible says) filled with the Spirit, whose fruits mature and develop overtime.
Again, thank you for your prayers; I still need them. May God grant us all strength and wisdom when difficult circumstances occur in life.
posted by John Mark at 4:43 PM
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